Reference Request Toolkit: Who to Ask, What to Say, and When to Follow Up

📨 Reference Request Toolkit: Who to Ask, What to Say, and When to Follow Up

Strong recommendation letters can make a big difference — but most families don’t know how the process works, or how much guidance students can actually give their recommenders. This kit breaks it all down and gives you tools to stay organized — from asking the right person to following up at the right time.

Best for: scholarship applications, Honors College programs, and leadership-based awards that ask for character references or teacher evaluations.

📌 What Parents Should Know

  • You can guide the letter: It’s perfectly acceptable (and helpful) to share what you hope the recommender highlights — like leadership, character, initiative, or resilience. Offer a brag sheet or a short note with bullet points they can draw from. Build a Brag Sheet.
  • Pick the right people: Some awards want academic references, others prefer community leaders, coaches, or employers. Match the recommender to the opportunity — and make sure they know your student well enough to write something meaningful.
  • Choosing between strong options: If your student has multiple strong potential recommenders, think strategically. A math teacher might be best for a STEM scholarship. A band director might speak better to leadership. Choose based on the scholarship’s values.
  • Fewer is better: Most scholarships want 1–2 recommenders. Don’t flood the process with 5+ letters unless explicitly allowed. One powerful letter is worth more than three vague ones.
  • Know the process: In most cases, the student lists the recommender’s name and email — then the scholarship or college emails them directly with instructions. The student usually won’t see the final letter, but should follow up before deadlines.
  • Ask for a digital copy (when allowed): If they’re writing a general recommendation (not tied to one specific app), ask if they’ll share a digital version your student can reuse. Not all will say yes — but some will.
  • Ask early: Ideally, give at least 2–4 weeks of notice. For major scholarships or college apps, asking even earlier (like late summer or early fall) is better.
  • FERPA tip: Some applications will ask whether your student waives their right to view the letter. Waiving it signals trust in the recommender — and colleges often expect it.
  • Say thank you: A short thank-you note goes a long way — especially if they’re writing more than one letter. It builds goodwill and sets your student apart.

❓ Quick FAQ

  • Can my student reuse a letter? Only if the scholarship allows it — and if the letter is written broadly (not addressed to a specific program). Always double-check instructions.
  • What if a recommender doesn’t reply or follow through? Have a backup ready. Give gentle reminders, but don’t wait too long to pivot if needed.
  • Is it okay to ask the same person for multiple letters? Yes — especially if they know your student well. Just space out the requests and offer updated info each time.

📄 Printables

These are fridge-friendly tools to keep things moving:

Created by CollegeReadyParent.org – You’re not just a parent. You’re the only map they’ve got.

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